Part I - Allowing All

Monday night I had a big breakthrough. I’ve always wondered what to do when I’m trying to sleep, and really strong sensations come up in my body – ones that have looked like fear or panic: Heart beating, cold energy rushing through my body. Do I get out of bed so I don’t associate panic with bed and sleep, so I don’t go into some mind spiral that I can’t get out of? Put my attention on something else as people keep suggesting?

This time Kal suggested I go a little deeper with it. Stay with the sensation a little longer, and see how long I can be with it before I get up and shift it. So I gave it a shot!

I’m proud to say I invited the feelings in, and lay still while the energy coursed throughout my body. For 7 hours I lay in bed, allowing the feelings. At one stage it actually felt pleasurable, and I found myself smiling and welcoming the sensations. I didn’t have the experience of actually sleeping or waking up – it seemed as if I was conscious the whole night. Yet in the morning I sat up and wrote down 5 very powerful dreams. Dreams that pointed towards some of my fears.

I realize I can choose to worry about this – that I’m ‘losing it’, or I can see it as something deep is ‘breaking up’, and available for feeling and release. I like the second viewpoint ;-)

This was a huge breakthrough. I barely slept, I felt very scary feelings and sensations, but instead of a night of panic and freaking out, I had a night of calm.